• Author: Adam Silvera
• Publisher: Soho Teens
• Publishing year: 2015 (deluxe edition: 2020)
• Number of pages: 330
• Cover design (Deluxe Edition): Alexis Franklin
• ISBN: 978-1641291941
• My rating: 5/5

Synopsis: (according to author’s website)

In the months after his father’s suicide, it’s been tough for sixteen-year-old Aaron Soto to find happiness again—but he’s still gunning for it. With the support of his girlfriend Genevieve and his overworked mom, he’s slowly remembering what that might feel like. But grief and the smile-shaped scar on his wrist prevent him from forgetting completely.

When Genevieve leaves for a couple of weeks, Aaron spends all his time hanging out with this new guy, Thomas. Aaron’s crew notices, and they’re not exactly thrilled. But Aaron can’t deny the happiness Thomas brings or how Thomas makes him feel safe from himself, despite the tensions their friendship is stirring with his girlfriend and friends. Since Aaron can’t stay away from Thomas or turn off his newfound feelings for him, he considers turning to the Leteo Institute’s revolutionary memory-alteration procedure to straighten himself out, even if it means forgetting who he truly is.

Why does happiness have to be so hard?

http://www.adamsilvera.com/

Review:

There are some trigger warnings for this book such as suicide, gaybashing and mental health issues…

I read the Deluxe Edition, with the extra chapter that was added later, in 2020, years after the book was originally published, in 2015.

I would like to point out that I bought the book as it was recommended highly on Bookstagram, and when I saw the cover artwork on this edition, I was sold even before I read it… now I’m even more sold after I finished it, and that’s more due to its content, however hard and unhappy it may have made me feel in times…

At first, the entire first chapter to be honest, was slow and I had trouble getting into the story, I kind of felt like I was missing something in the story… though it was great to read how Aaron started to develop and evolve… little did I know that all this was just the beginning of a surprising unfolding of the story and there O sat with open mouth, not realising I had been fooled… (and I’m sure a lot of the readers were)! And that is where I suddenly had a ‘That’s why!’ moment (a few of those)! ‘Part Zero’ was so devastating, so heartbreaking… no spoilers…

I highly recommend this novel, Adam’s debut, with all my heart! This is a story a lot of people can relate to, whether they be straight or gay or whatever… this may be queer literature but it’s not just for people that are queer… this is a novel for everyone, young and old(er) no matter what creed or sexual orientation or what age…

This is a novel about love, about family and about the pain that comes from life and how we all cope with that pain…

Wouldn’t you want to forget a memory from the past that is so painful you almost cannot live with it? Would you risk undoing yourself?

Make sure you read this novel! It is really good!!!

As for the extra chapter… I know a lot of fans asked Adam to write something to close this story, to kind of redeem himself (or anyone else, no spoilers) but I honestly think the novel was already perfect (or ended perfectly) without that new ending… this said, I loved reading it, seeing a sort of sequel…

A must read!!!